Breathe mamma, Breathe! As a mom, you need to remember to take moments to catch your breath.
I’m a mamma now. I’m responsible for a whole other HUMAN! A year ago, this thought left me thoroughly intimidated. Intimidated by the picture-perfect images of superhero moms that were floating around. Intimidated by the possibility of being judged, not only by those ‘perfect’ moms, but by everyone else as well. The thought that intimidated me the most, however, was the thought that I may ‘fail’ as a mother. It was in those times that I forgot to breathe.
Am I less intimidated now? No, not really. Am I less scared? Definitely not! Am I more confident that I won’t occasionally make mistakes? Not even close! Do I now take time out to BREATHE? I HAVE to!
I’ve been a mamma since October 2018 and I still feel like an inexperienced newbie who has stumbled my way into a dark room, feeling around, successfully manoeuvring around some objects and then almost immediately, stubbing my pinky toe upon another. I still find it hard (?)/ surreal referring to myself as a mom. Sometimes I still think that I don’t deserve that title because I’m still too inexperienced. I’m still stumbling around in the dark. Other times, I tell myself that all those ‘professional’ moms may have begun their mom journey the same way I did and may still, occasionally, find themselves in a dark room and occasionally, forget to Breathe.
I’m also a wife and let me tell you, it has been a challenge. A challenge to finding a balance between me as a mom, me as a wife and me, as, me. I think that along the way, I had forgotten who ‘me’ was. Along the way, I had forgotten that I needed to BREATHE. Instead, I was always holding my breath for that ‘when my baby starts doing this…’ moment, when I would resurface for some air, even if just for a few seconds. That’s when I would realize, that those moments, would be, in fact, other long periods, where I would be holding my breath.
I wanted to be THAT mom. The one who always seemed to have her s#*% together. The one who could be a mom, a wife and still look as if she was doing a vanity fair photoshoot with her hair blowing in the wind and the most badass-vogue cover pose anyone has ever seen. I became caught up in the ‘hype’ trying to show people how “well” I could do all those things and still look and feel like THAT mom.
Oh boy, did I try. I tried so hard, but, no matter how hard I tried, it seemed that I ended up giving them more reasons to believe that the only way I could do a ‘better’ job, was if they told me what to do and how it ‘should’ be done. So, I ducked my head underwater, stopped waiting for moments when I could catch my breath for a few seconds and I just stopped breathing. Even more than that, I started to feel guilty about the fact that I wanted some quality ‘me’ time and for a while, within my thoughts, I wasn’t kind to myself.
Whatever I thought about myself then, could never compare to what I thought about myself within the first few months of giving birth. I can’t remember a time when I doubted and questioned myself as much as I had then, even later on within the year. So how am I now writing this blog? Well, I decided to change my mindset.
Just. Like. That.
There was no question, I had to change it. For one thing, I was tired of being buried in the negative thoughts that seemed to want to make an appearance every day. I mean, I had another human depending on me, I couldn’t continue existing in such a crippling frame of mind, and so, I changed it. I had to start trusting myself more, believing that regardless of what other people thought of me and my parenting skills, I was doing things the way I knew how to, the best way that I could.
That HAD to be enough.
I also started praying more fervently, which led me to involving my husband more. However, what helped me the most, was the realization that there was one person who didn’t have crazy, high expectations of me. That was my baby girl. All she needed, was a show of unconditional love. An unconditional love which I would give by providing for her, caring for her, protecting her and loving her.
So, if you haven’t been feeling very confident in your role as a mom, here are some help-notes.
First, start believing that you have been doing a heck of a job, first, birthing a whole baby and now, caring for that baby in every way possible. You have been waking up in the middle of the nights feeding and burping. Many times, you had to opt-out of bathing, eating or even peeing because your baby needed you. All you’ve been eating, or better yet, snacking on, is baby food. Which, if I can be honest, aren’t very delicious types of foods. You stopped shopping for yourself entirely and started buying every toy, or cute outfit that you could get your hands on. Not to mention, you’ve been pooped on, peed on, farted on, burped on and puked on. You haven’t had any quiet time to yourself in weeks, months or even years. Wait, when was the last time that you even slept?
The list could go on and on, but you get the gist. If you haven’t, message me and I’ll tell you the rest. But seriously, doesn’t that sound like a superhuman to you? It certainly does to me.
another thing is, you have to start thinking more positively. Remind yourself of the things that you are grateful for, you can start by making a list. By seeing that list, you’ll begin to think about how extremely blessed you are. You’d be surprised at how beneficial this can be for your mental health.
Also, when people try to dictate to you how you should raise your child, remember that you are the mother and only you can be their mother. Consider the advice given, but the decisions are always entirely up to you. As long as you keep loving on that beautiful child of yours and you keep putting them first, then you aren’t doing anything wrong. As cliche as this might sound, take things one step at a time. Stop trying to do everything all at once, all by yourself. Remember, no man is an island.
Last, but certainly not least, REMEMBER TO BREATHE!
Here is an Acronym to help you remember to BREATHE. Enjoy:)!
B–Be kind to yourself R–Remind yourself that you’re doing the best that you can E–Entertain yourself every now and again A–Assure yourself that that mistake that you made doesn’t determine the quality of a mother that you are. T–Talk to someone who doesn’t require you to use baby language H–Have a minute or two to yourself each day E–Ever so often, do something that will remind you that you are still a living, breathing person.
Also, to help with getting you through ‘those’ days, I created some Motivational MOMday notes for you. Enjoy Mamma!
