Life Update (unsolicited)

Life has never been easy. However, I think that we can all agree that life the past three years have been unprecedented and arguably the hardest a lot of us have ever been through. Although I can’t claim to have had it the hardest of all, it sure hasn’t been the easiest. So, here’s my unsolicited life update since my last blog post in 2021.

I think I owe one to myself and to you my readers ( however few you are) . It’s been two years (dang) since I last wrote a note to myself (and to you) and as you know, a lot has happened since , but also not that much. The past two years have felt like limbo for me, because though I was aware that time was passing, I felt like I was standing still.

It’s a good thing I hadn’t made any new year’s resolution(s).

2021 life update

Although most of the year was a blur, I do remember my family and I-including my mother and mother-in-law, going to a hotel for a few days. That felt good. It was sort of a mothers’ day and family trip all in one. Then, I promised myself I would staycation more often. That didn’t happen.

I believe that this was the period where the world had started to re-open and it was first time since the pandemic that we had all ventured somewhere on the outside together for an extended amount of time. For the most part, I enjoyed myself, and just for a little while, my concerns and anxiety took the backseat. In between each laughs, however, my nagging low self confidence (at that time) would surface and I would be dragged back into the hole I had tried to escape from. Each photo I took reminded me of the 20 pounds that I had gained post-breastfeeding and I hated Every.Single. One.

What else happened in 2021?

We visited Hope Zoo, moved to a new apartment and my daughter started kindergarten. As a result, I had a little bit more time on my hands. With that, I started digitally illustrating, acting on one of my passions; drawing custom pieces, printing canvasses, the works. I also fell into digital marketing and fell in love with it for the mere fact that it encompassed all the things that I love; writing, conceptualizing, designing and creating. It also involved meeting, interacting and working with people from all over the world, helping them reach audiences with their ideas.

I have to admit though, I learned a lot in 2021. However, although I was learning a lot and experiencing, well, new experiences, it was also during this time that I started losing motivation in creating art.

Well, that didn’t last long huh?

One of the reasons for this was because I started putting a lot of pressure on myself to earn from it rather than just enjoying the process of creating. So, I stopped. Each time I would pick up my Ipad to draw, I would feel this enormous weight on my shoulders and so, for a while, it just sat on my desk.

I have since started drawing again.

2022

It was at the beginning of this year that my husband, daughter and I returned home from our first international trip taken together. We had visited the Dominican Republic in December of 2021, spent 3+ weeks and returned home in January 2022.

This was the trip that made me forget the world and all that was happening, and for once in a long time, I was relaxed.

It was after this trip that I found out I was pregnant. Again. Surprise!!??

This was the year that I was most at war with myself. All my internalized traumas had culminated into one giant ball of disaster who’s motion was intensified 10 folds by my pregnancy.

At my 5 month pregnancy mark, we took another trip to the Dominican Republic in July and this time I expected it to be one of the greatest trips ever, especially since my mother had accompanied us. We spent almost 4 weeks. And it was great.

Until it wasn’t.

Have you ever heard the saying that its during pregnancy that all the unchecked and unresolved traumas return a hundred folds? Well that’s exactly what happened. A week before we returned the sh*t, as they say, hit the fan. It wasn’t my best moment. And I mention this not because of a lack of embarrassment, but because I think that its important for us, as mothers, to ensure that a clear picture is painted of what the journey of motherhood is really like. There’s a practiced habit of only showing the highs of pregnancy, of motherhood, especially on social media, which is quite misleading for moms-to-be as well as for surrounding parties. The lows are either never shown, or never even spoken about and its time we change that. Its 2023 after all.

More life updates?

My confidence level have since skyrocketed. Not really. But I can look at myself in the mirror now and not care about my weight (That much) And in all honesty, I’ve accepted myself and could truly careless what people’s thoughts about me are.

I’m weird, I’ve gotten over that. You should too.

I’ve also begun the process of healing. Healing from past traumas and moving forward.

I’m delving into my passions, focusing on growth (personal, professional and otherwise) and surrounding myself with good energies.

Okay. That’s it. That’s all the updates I have for now.

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Until the next post. Byyyeee!